audre lorde — ‘Caring for myself is not self-indulgence, it is self-preservation, and that is an act of political warfare.’
What we know about self-love we have been taught by black woman; Alice Walker, Audre Lorde, bell hooks, Maya Angelou and Nikki Giovanni. Our ideas about caring for ourselves as women have been deeply influenced by the christian ideology of caring for others before ourselves as well as white supremacist patriarchal thought that centers the needs of white men over women and children. The need to love and care for oneself emerged as an essential element of afrocentric feminist thought and acknowledged that women can not survive to impact those around them without first “preserving themselves”. This self love centered the human being as worthy of care, respect, and love. This was the radical idea as Maya Angelou expressed,“We are all human; therefore, nothing human can be alien to us.” In the call for care for themselves, black feminists were also asking us to extend our care to those most unlike us.
This revolutionary idea runs far deeper than prioritizing a manicure or taking a bath, although those feel great as well. This idea asks us to deeply love ourselves and all others, oppressor and vulnerable alike. There is a recognition that we can not truly love ourselves until we see ourselves as human and imperfect and part of the human community in which we are all imperfect. Self love is then the act of working toward our freedom, cherishing ourselves, our value, our gifts, addressing what is encumbering us and holding us back. Self love might be taking care of our body, it might be worshipping in community, it might be expressing our anger.
I would propose that radical self-love is extending your care not only to you, your family and community but to those most oppressed by this world. You will feel most love for yourself as you care for those most vilified by others.Two months ago, I passed a disheveled looking woman with short,curly brown hair and faded clothing in Harvard Square who sat on the ground beside two signs; one read “Sanguine” and the other read “Used to be human”. I was stopped in my tracks and compelled to talk with her. I looked into her deep blue eyes and said, “You still are human, just like me.” She looked back into my eyes and said thank you. I am still haunted by this image of a woman who had been beaten down by what this world can give you and felt no longer human. How can we love ourselves when we participate in a society who dehumanizes people who need our help. Whether we are consciously aware of this dilemma or not, we walk by homeless people, watch videos on line of innocent people being shot and killed and watch whole communities being devastated by natural disasters that are happening at a frightening pace. We are bombarded by information about the harm we are causing each other and our planet every day. Our freedom depends on us caring for each other and ourselves.
Here are some ways that you can express your self love.
- Take a long walk in nature, breath deeply and appreciate the beauty around you.
- Work at a food bank on a Saturday. http://www.fairfoods.org/
- Donate toys or work in their warehouse. https://www.cradlestocrayons.org/boston/
- Volunteer with the homeless. https://www.fobh.org/how-you-can-help/
- Make blankets for deserving children. https://www.projectlinus.org/
- Be in community: go to church/mosque, sing in a choir, go to a poetry reading, join a club, call a friend.
Joy von Steiger, PHD 